Thursday, August 12, 2004

Golf, Spam, & Whores

I received this email as a general announcement to a group I'm on the fringes of. I included it here for a couple reasons. First, because the author offers some great insight into his life. Second, because he does so entertainingly; I'm sure you'll appreciate his writing. Third, because it is real evidence that Spam is decreasing due to the efforts of Hotmail, Gmail, and maybe even AOL.
From: ****@***.***
Subject: One family, one murder, too many lies.

So, today I'm out playing Golf on this nice Monday afternoon, cause that's what I typically do on nice Monday afternoons. I had to start on the back nine due to some malfunction that involved a dead cow and some sort of tractor malfunction on hole two. So, we started on ten. Starting a round on the back often times throws off the mental state of my game, because of the fact that I'm usually half brainically spent by the back nine and I wasn't quite sure how to prepare myself. If you have ever seen golf on TV you know that ritual is half the game. (I.E. If you scratch your balls before a good drive, then you scratch your balls before every drive for months.) Despite, I was hitting the ball pretty solid. That is to say, I hit a car here and a tree there and there was this one woman who was totally in the wrong...but I was fairways and greens through most of the track. I even made a birdie/sandy on hole number 15 at Bluebonnett Hill, which is no small accomplishment.

After a solid nine of ups and downs that ultimately amounted to a round of bogie golf, I decided to turn my phone back on just to see if I was missing anything important at the place were I currently pick up my paychecks. You see, Spam is a volatile business. It involves sending out millions of emails a day without ever exposing ones true identity. Therefore, I have to stay connected. Volatile, voracious and sometimes downright pornographic, this is how I would best describe the industry. So any who, come to find out while I was soaking up the ambery caustic rays of the scenic hill country, I was notified by a coworker that half of my company had been laid off sometime between my birdie on 15 and hitting that woman on 17. (not my fault) Turns out I was last hired first... In hearing this startling news I jumped to my defense, "But, I'm just playing golf?" And, followed, "Well, so does this mean I don't have to come tomorrow?" They were not amused. Anyway, long story short, the Spam war is now officially over and Hotmail seems to have been victorious. I tried to help , but that Bill Gates is a son-of-a-bitch. Yea for Microsoft.

In an Abel Ferrara movie, Chez, (just after violating a young woman who was considering prostitution for a profession) says, "are you happy? Here's your $5! I hope you're happy...cause now you're a whore for the rest for your life! For the rest of your life!" I now know for the first time, what he meant.

But, I'm still playing golf tomorrow.

Additional Comments: After thinking about this some more, I left out one of the reasons I like this the most; that is, we are what we do. If you take money in order to send spam, you've sold out. If you steal a candy bar, you're a thief. If you know what's right, and you do something else, you've done wrong. God, this lesson sucks. I have to relearn it way too often. I have learned it, and try to do right, but it's not a big decision, it's a small decision. It's a small decision you make every day about the things in your life.

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